FIVE SUMMER DON’TS FOR DUDES

Although summertime is indeed winding down, its scorching temperatures don’t seem to be going anywhere quite yet. That said, fashion faux pas do not afflict the ladies only–dudes have also proven themselves fair game during these warm weather months. So, guys, do us all a favor–please take a gander below and pray to the black bar that you don’t happen to fall into any of these categories…


Jorts and Shants
Ok, guys, pick one: Do you want to wear pants or do you want to wear shorts? Either of these options can be quite attractive in its own right, but trying to combine the two into these… calf and ankle-grazing concoctions is just downright awful and pretty pointless. They make your legs look like short, little sausages loosely wrapped in raver jeans that got shrunk in the wash. Need we say more?


The Pit-Stained Tee
Hipsters love ‘em… and that’s about it. Oh wait, so do hobos. Are you seeing the line that’s being drawn here? Invest in a stain stick or in an industrial shredder; then, go put on something that’s clean.
Underarm shields, $7


Constantly Going Shirtless
I don’t care if you’ve got the body of David Beckham or Danny DeVito–unless you’re at the beach or at a pool, put on a damn shirt. Have some class. Chances are, you’re not that hot.


Too-Tight Jeans
Dude, where’s my b… Oh, wait, they’re right there–in that suffocating mass located to the side of your crotch. Boys, do yourself a favor and save the potential embarrassment of having people think you sh*t the front of your pants and perhaps buy some jeans that FIT–from the men’s section? Skinny jeans are great, and can look damn hot, just be sure to give your boys some room to breathe and to leave at least a little something to the imagination.


B.O.
Well this one’s just a given. I’m actually not quite sure how or why it has suddenly become so hip to forgo the DO. But I’m concerned about my health. Well, I personally am concerned about being able to breathe next to your sweaty ass on a subway car that doubles as a urinal cake. And there are plenty of natural options out there, sans zinc, like this one from Lush ($7), which is one of the best natural options we have yet to find on the market.

Sources for photos included in this story [1], [2], [3], [4], [5]
–NATALIE OPSITNICK
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2 responses to “FIVE SUMMER DON’TS FOR DUDES

  1. Your “Dudes” article was so funny, Natalie, and true! I totally agree with you! The “Jorts & Shants” look terrible on every guy, and the tight pants – forget about it! Thanks for the laugh! Great job, as always! 🙂 Cris

  2. I really like that deodorant, we alternate between that one and the aromarant. A block will last for a year.

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