Last night’s Oscar fashion was so titillating, we won’t bother sparing a moment to trash-talk the cringe-tastic telecast (James Franco, we know you’re smarter than that–how could you?). So let’s skip to the beat and get down to the nitty-gritty.
AMBER’S BEST DRESSED: CATE BLANCHETT
I will declare this to the world: I AM IN LOVE WITH MS. BLANCHETT. The moment I set eyes upon her dress this year, I literally squealed with delight. The lilac Givenchy number with perfectly placed embellishments, yellow accents, and criss-cross back was not only unique but also elegant, as the woman who donned it. And I’m just loving the new haircut!
Honorable Mentions: Natalie Portman in Rodarte. The color of this dress is absolutely perfect for the Black Swan actress and mom-to-be, enhancing her infamous natural glow. And, those tassel earrings? I need a pair, STAT. Then, there’s Hailee Steinfield in Marchesa. One word: ADORABLE. How can you not love this girl? Not only did she knock her True Grit role out of the park, she looks unbelievably beautiful–and age appropriate. And to think, she’s only 14.
AMBER’S WORST DRESSED: NICOLE KIDMAN
What? I’m sorry. Did Nicole Kidman transport herself back to the 90’s and head to a shop where prom and pageant go to die? The embellishment is all wrong, the folding is all wrong. This dress is just WRONG! A wise piece of advice: just because it’s Dior, doesn’t make it right.
Honorable Mentions: Scarlett Johansson in Dolce & Gabbana. Now, I usually love me some lace, but this is just an unsightly train wreck. I’m all about the ‘natural hair’ look too, but I’m not about sticking your finger into an electrical socket. As for you, Reese Witherspoon in Giorgio Armani Privé–snoooooze. This dress is boring and I am pretty sure I’ve seen it a million times before. I will give you props for the retro ponytail, though.
JEAN’S BEST DRESSED: JENNIFER LAWRENCE & GWYNETH PALTROW
OMFG. Can you feel the enormous amounts of envy seeping from my very being out there into cyber world? No? Because it just don’t get better than this. Clearly, the beyond-bangin’ bombshell of the night, Jennifer Lawrence rocks a red Calvin Klein Collection gown like the fashion gods intend for it to be rocked—into oblivion. Ooof. For real, people, this is some serious hot American cherry pie that Marilyn Monroe herself would have been honored to serve up fresh. The effortless equation of Lawrence’s hair, makeup, and accessory choice (or lack thereof) adds up to supreme levels of sexy that I haven’t spotted on the carpet in a while (sorry, Halle—keep on keepin’ on). Welcome to Hollywood, babe. I think you’re going to do juuuuust fine.
Gwyneth = another homerun for Calvin Klein’s camp. What can I say? I’m a sucker for, well, PERFECTION? Paltrow’s body, face–Jesus, even the woman’s hair–complement this gown so flawlessly, it’s borderline sickening. She couldn’t look any more perfect if she were straight-up airbrushed. This is spot-on. #MILFtothamax.
Honorable Mention: Cate Blanchett. Haters wanna hate, but ladies, we’ve GOT to give it up for Cate, not just for keeping the runway relevant, but for donning a Riccardo Tisci for Givenchy design like the true professional we know and love, simultaneously shutting up all the But, like, who would were that? chicks and other non-believers alike. <HIGH FIVE> Cate. You’ve made us all so, so proud. Flawless hair and makeup never hurt anything, either. Let’s face it, the woman is just gorgeous.
JEAN’S WORST DRESSED: SCARLETT JOHANSSON
Yikes, ScarJo—what is happening to you? The colors are intriguing, I’ll give you that, but this Dolce & Gabbana gown just looks plain uncomfortable—and is certainly unworthy of your insanely hot physique, which would make a Wal-Mart sac look like sex on a stick. Baby, we know you’re their spokeswoman, but you’re allowed to branch out into other realms. Sorry, y’all: don’t like.
Honorable Mention: Marisa Tomei. I feel like a lot of people will disagree with me on this one, but I’m standing my ground. Marisa Tomei, you are beautiful, but this couture Charles James dress from Lily et Cie is not doing you any favors—and no, I don’t care if it’s vintage. The color is nice, but the whole look is a bit heavy, and at some angles, the bodice looks like it could fit a tad better. Unfortunate. I’m sorry… just no.
MATT’S BEST DRESSED: CATE BLANCHETT
There were a few stars who, even in HD, looked flawless. Cate Blanchett is one of those stars. Essentially, the woman looked like priceless porcelain and I don’t care what anyone says, the Givenchy gown was TO DIE. Jake Gyllenhaal in Ferragamo also looked better than ever. But honestly, there were three special men that really caught my eye on the red carpet: Justin Timberlake, Hugh Jackman, and Jeremy Renner. Jackman looked like sex on a Wolfman in his head-to-toe Ferragamo, and The Town‘s prize pupil melted my poor little heart in some seriously dashing YSL. As for Justin, he can simply do no wrong in Tom Ford.
MATT’S WORST DRESSED: NICOLE KIDMAN
So now that I’m high rolling with a LED set, I get the pleasure of spotting all the little fails and flaws of the Oscar red carpet in high definition! Right off the bat, I spotted James Franco‘s shiny, red zit (who cares, do me). And fashion faux-pas? That’s easy. Nicole Kidman in John Galliano for Dior. Anorexia called. Bye. I kind of feel like ralphing.
NATALIE’S BEST DRESSED: MILA KUNIS
Mila Kunis in Elie Saab—stunning. This beautiful, flowing confection of lilac lace and chiffon flatters the Black Swan star flawlessly. Might I add, Kunis is on a roll—she has yet to miss the mark this awards season. Bravo!
NATALIE’S WORST DRESSED: JENNIFER LAWRENCE
Jennifer Lawrence in Calvin Klein Collection. Uh oh, I sense a VG schism! Kidding, we’re allowed to differ—once and a while. So yeah, I’m sorry, but four words: Where is Charlie Sheen? Because Ms. Lawrence appears to be off to a 70’s coke party, not the fanciest fête of the year.
STEPHANIE’S BEST DRESSED: GWYNETH PALTROW
Flawless head-to-toe in a slim-fitting, metallic floor-length gown by Calvin Klein, Gwyneth embodied every bit of Hollywood glamour not only expected–but fathomable–at the Oscars last night. The thinly notched, deep-plunging neckline bared just the right amount of skin (refraining from anything in the least bit vulgar) while Gwyneth’s choice of minimal accessorization and simple and sleek hair left the gown in its rightful place as the focal point of this ethereal ensemble of perfection. A+ Gwyneth, for carrying this gown and our imaginations too, to their maximum potential.
STEPHANIE’S WORST DRESSED: SCARLETT JOHANSSON
It hurts to say, but Scarlett also gets a veto in my book for last night’s Dolce & Gabanna blunder. Perhaps we’re being hard on her because we know she’s capable of doing better, or perhaps it’s because she appeared marred with strain after every movement made, wobbling ungracefully to and fro, clinging to her cohorts for dear life all night. Bottom line: her discomfort was palpable, her overall look a bit too casual (for the Oscars), and the peekaboo bra-lined bust and frayed lace at the shoulders scream more Avril Lavigne for Forever 21 than D&G. Somehow, I don’t think that’s what she was going for.
Photos provided courtesy of justjared.com